"Dear Darling daughter"- A letter from a mother to her late daughter

My darling daughter,

As your mother, I understand how much pain you had to go through, that let you decide to take your life, but with it gone the smile on our lips and sleep on our eyes!! I will not ask you "why you did it?”. I just request you to come back and fill this void in our lives, with your laughter!! I know you wouldn't come back, our love is not powerful enough to bring you back, because our love couldn't stop you from tightening that evil rope around your neck!! Didn't we cross your mind at least for a second? Is love of your parents so weak? Didn't you love us enough to live your life, if not for the world, at least for your mom and dad?

The house that was filled with laughter, conversations and fights is now dead silent!! I and your dad do not tease each other anymore, and we do not even talk to each other. We just stare deep into each other's eyes, knowing only the other person can truly empathize with the loss. We do not know how to console the other!! Since 25 years of our marriage, we have been each other's strength, but we do not feel intimate anymore. I feel alone, very alone. Your dad sleeps in a separate room now to hide those tears from me, but comes to our old bed room every hour to check only if I am alive. Little did he know that I keep checking him every other hour!! How should I console 50 year old man, who lived only for his family and thought his daughter is everything!! We have become living dead-bodies. We inhale but we do not breathe!! We stare but we do not see!! We hear but we do not listen!!

You should have given us one chance to stand with you, to reduce your sufferings!! One single chance to get you back into our lives!! We would have given our crores, education, status and everything to be with you, nothing ever mattered and matters more than you!! You thought, we would be hurt if you let us know your problem and now you had given us pain time can’t heal. We would have fought with entire world for u.

Some said, these are testing times and everything would be okay!! I wanted to shout on top of my voice, "No, it can never be okay. We lost our daughter, our dreams and our life, everything!!" How can anyone understand the pain? We lost our only daughter, we cannot blame god because our own daughter had taken her life!! Some mocked us as failed parents: we did not provide you supportive environment. Who would video-tape our lives to tell them how good we were as family and I don't even want to prove anything to anyone!! Their words do not hurt me anymore. Some consider us unfortunate while some consider us bad-omen, they do not visit us anymore!! I see you in every other child!! I long to hug a baby, but no mother ever brings her child close to me as I am a cursed mother!! They are afraid, my dirty touch would take away their baby away!! You never let anyone say a thing about us, and now where are you?!! 

The greeting card you stuck to my mirror reads out loud, "Amma, you are the best mom in the world!! I would do anything for you!!" Couldn't you just live for me, for your best mom? If you loved me so much, why did you take that precious life I almost died to give you? 

The people who hurt you and forced you to choose death over life might have felt guilty for harassing u or they might be sadistically happy that they won over you!! I do not care about their feelings, at the end, they forgave themselves and forgot you!! They are living with their families!! For them, you were a momentary part of life, but for us you are the life!! We die each day in your memories. You know them only for a year, but us for 25 years!!  Who should be more important - people who hate you or people who love you? You shattered our own happy family, you chose the easiest path leaving your old parents to dread the toughest path!!

Every morning, your dad and I make a choice - to live or to die!!? Every night silently we pray to god to give us the strength to live one more day!! Your memories would never leave us, they keep haunting us each day!! I just wish no parent ever has to go through the loss of a child!!

And now, I read another story of a parent just like me!! 

To every other daughter like mine or Rishiteshwari,

Your parents love you no matter what!! Some parents show it, and some do not :

They might have been too harsh to you at times

They might have been too busy to spend time with you
They might have been aggressive, shouted on you for every silly thing

They might have compared you with someone better;

They might have scolded you for not performing well in exams

They might not have agreed to your love marriage

They might have convinced you to re-establish your failed marriage!!

But every parent loves their child!! Their actions might be wrong, but their intentions for you are always right!! You are their world. From the moment you were born, two people sacrificed their luxuries and dedicated their lives to you!! God makes mothers go through enormous physical and mental pain to give birth to a child, but he doesn't give her strength to bear with loss of a child!!

If you have a problem and if you cannot handle it anymore, please talk to your parents and tell them what your mental state is!! They would do anything for you!! Anything!! Your bad grades, your assaulted body, your failed love, your marital discords, your financial problems, ragging, social bullying...Your parents would find a solution. If there is no solution and in the worst case, they = would be ready to start from scratch with zero bank-balance, in a new place, treating you just like their just-born child!! But, please give them one last chance... Remember!! No reason can be strong enough reason to take that life, your parents have struggled to give you!!

~Sharada 
A lonely mother of a beautiful daughter, Anu!! 
A powerless mother who cannot make world a better place for daughters, but just wishes daughters to stay stronger for their parents!! 
A wishful mother who thinks this letter would help few other daughters and their parents!!  

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