My wife earned double my salary. I had problems but learnt to deal with it

I met my wife for the first time in 1989 on my second day of MBA. Very beautiful and poise lady, quite contrary to my imagination of  women at IIMs. By the time, we graduated we decided to marry each other. Don’t ask me the details of how it all happened, because I have more important things to tell you. 

During campus placements, I got into a FMCG company and she got into one of the reputed MNC banks. We started off with almost same package, but completely in opposite directions. Her office was in Mumbai, in one of those posh buildings right in the middle of the city. While my first sales stint was in interior parts of Assam. She was in a new banking software project.  While I was exploring villages of North East, she traveled across the globe – UK, US and Europe. I didn’t understand where I was going. We used to romance on phone once a week, though ISD calls were pretty expensive those days.  We managed to pull it off and two years after our graduation, we were husband and wife.

My wife is a Go-Getter!! Very soon, she made very good mark in her company, and company was also doing very well, plus US dollars and UK pounds. Within two years of our careers, her earnings were double to mine. So, my wife was the primary bread winner!!

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A woman earning more than men of the family !?! Isn't that a problem, even today?!! I couldn't understand if it was actually my problem, or I had problem because my parents and everyone else around us were seeing it as a problem. We were middle class conservative family and my mother was a home maker, I was the only son. They were okay with my wife working, but want her in some low profile jobs. They were worried that I would be dominated, threatened or whatever.  My wife has a say in every family decision we take, unlike my mother who never dared to speak against my father. 

Slowly, I started looking at the world from their lens and the devil in me woke up :

"Is she dominating?"
"Does she think very low of me?"

"How does society think of me, a failure?"

"Is she a threat to my respect?"

And then, the angel side :

“She studied in best colleges, she worked as hard as me, and so she excelled in her career ”

“I loved her, She chose me because she trusted me to support her. I always knew her career aspirations,  Why do I have problem now?”

“Many of my friends have better packages than me but am not bothered. Why am I comparing myself only with my wife?”

To tell you frankly, I have seen very few men/women in my career who are as passionate as my wife!! If she were my colleague, I would consider it pure bliss to work with such a person.     

My wife came home jumping after closing a million dollar deal, completely ignorant of the clash of titans in my mind. Days were moving slow!!

I thought I was very lucky when my senior offered me a new position in a beverages company, doubling my salary. WOW!! I didn’t think much, no discussions with friends or wife. My problem was no more a problem, what else could I ask for? Jumped in!! 

1 month, 2 months.. 6 months... I didn't like it at all, I was not a culture fit in this new company!! I was doing very well in my previous company, and more than anything I was happy with my job!! It looked a pretty bad idea and I realized I had messed it up so badly for obvious reasons. I felt stupid, comparing careers with my wife, my professional decision had more of personal dimension to it. I took this job only to satisfy my husband-ego!!

  realized, ‘I do not belong to this company.’ I wanted to quit, but quitting? How can a man be without a job? I continued in my new job for almost 1 year. I was not a top performer any more. My wife was quick to understand though I tried faking that smile at home. She convinced me to quit and I did. After 4 months, I landed myself in another company in the role that fit me well. Pretty soon, I was back to my former self.

I realized my wife is not a threat, but my shield. She is not my weakness, but my strength. I could kill that jealous devil in me forever. 

What happened to my parents…?

One day, my mother said to me :

“Is your marriage life okay? Your wife is beautiful, bold and brilliant... A combination that is very rare, but also intimidating to many men”

I looked straight into her years, "That is why I loved her in first place!!" 

"Don’t look her like your daughter-in-law and don't even treat her like your daughter. Consider her your second son. Take pride in her achievements, be part of her success"  We made peace at home!!

My wife and I would be touching 50 this year...and when we look back, both of us are proud of our careers!! 

Your spouse (working outside or inside home) is always your support system, never a threat!! Make your wife a true partner of life, you will be amazed at the quality of your personal and professional life.

Editor's Note :
Based on one of the many life lessons shared by a business veteran. We found it very inspiring and thought it would help many young couples. Please share this if you think it helps many of those working couples struggling to keep the balance!!

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